Snippet of an IM conversation with a Male Friend Who Usually Thinks He Knows Everything (MFWUTHKE). He’d just read these two posts on Maya’s site.
MFWUTHKE: interesting stuff on the Maya saying NO on the blog..
MFWUTHKE: sure you “could” just solve it for her.. and let her down.. or give her fruit…
MFWUTHKE: but I like the idea.. of making her have to come to terms with what NO really means
MFWUTHKE: excellent!
Allison: Glad you appreciate it.
Allison: I want her to understand it and know when to use it.
MFWUTHKE: and when to not use it
Allison: She still sometimes uses it inappropriately (do you want down “NO!”)
Allison: Exactly
MFWUTHKE: otherwise.. you are enforcing that old standard that have driven men crazy..
MFWUTHKE: NO means yes!
MFWUTHKE: hahahahahaha
Allison: Yeah, or “no” means “I’m just being coy so you won’t think I’m a slut, but really I want you to do me.”
Allison: Which is how Maya got here. I meant “NO.” He heard the other.
MFWUTHKE: well we’ll solve that one later.. right now… let’s just see if she wants peaches!
Allison: At least, I think that’s it.
MFWUTHKE: (laughing emoticon)
Allison: (tongue stuck out emoticon)
MFWUTHKE: anyway.. cool insight…
MFWUTHKE: I might have just (as MFWUTHKE does) try to solve it for her.. or assume what she wanted…
MFWUTHKE: but after reading that… big fan….
Allison: Yay!
MFWUTHKE: makes a lot of sense…. I like
Allison: (patting myself on the back)
I won’t kid you. Even though *I* know I’m on the right track, it feels really, really good to have a skeptical friend tell me he thinks so, too.
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[...] The next one that’s worth a look was short, but it says a lot about my background. I met him on a night out, and we hit it off instantly. For the next two months, we talked to each other every day. We saw each other almost as often. His friends liked me. My friends liked him. There was lots and lots of that early “glow” of passion — the thing that sticks a couple together in the first place. One Sunday morning, we had a disagreement about something fairly mundane, like whether to listen to music or watch the news. We finished breakfast and he headed home. We didn’t talk for two weeks, and at that point, it was just for us to (mutally, of course) say “guess we’re done.” In this case, the passion never translated into anything deeper, and rather than work at it, we both walked away. Sad. Since then, I had a very long relationship, then engagement to another guy who followed the first pattern somewhat. It wasn’t that we were friends first — he chased me from the beginning. But still, if there was an imbalance, it was in my favor. I tried to break it off many, many times, but he just wouldn’t give up until years later. We’re friends now, and he’s finally convinced that I wasn’t the one who got away; he’s met someone who’s more like the girl he wanted me to become, and realizes he was spinning his wheels with me. We also are still friends. [...]