it is what it is

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Hypochondria/PSA (Inflammatory Breast Cancer)

July18

Update: I really think this is all in my head.

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A couple months ago, I visited with my P.A. about an odd soreness in my left breast. Although he felt nothing out of the ordinary — perhaps fibrocystic tissue — he still forwarded me on for a mammogram. After all, I was hitting 35 in a few short months, so we might as well do it. Tell me how pleasant *that* experience was. After two basic shots on the right and more detailed shots on the left, the tech called me back for additional shots on the right. Then, they ultrasounded the left, in the area where I’d been feeling pain.

In the end, I was told that everything was fine.

I still hurt. If both sides hurt in the same way, or if this were a cyclic/monthly thing, I wouldn’t think much about it. Instead, it’s a stabbing pain that almost feels like it radiates from the lower side, underneath at the chest wall, and only on the left.

Within the past couple weeks, an acquaintance forwarded me some information on Inflammatory Breast Cancer, a very different (and aggressive) form that doesn’t show with lumps…and 85% of the time doesn’t show in mammograms. I’m unsure about its visibility in ultrasound (guess I should look that up). I’m fixating now. I finally viewed the video link she sent yesterday, and now each time I feel the pain on my left side, I wonder.

I’m an adult here. I can be realistic. When I look at the signs and symptoms, the only thing I’m experiencing is the tenderness/pain plus a nagging feeling that something isn’t quite right. But, then again, what I read says that pain is usually a first symptom, and other symptoms are often absent until the condition is rather advanced.

This is just neurosis, and I know it…at least I hope it is. I’m probably just searching for some way, any way, to put off getting stuff done.

That’s all…just needed to get this out of my head so I can focus on work instead.

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As a PSA (or maybe just so that you can join me in my hypochondria), here’s the video. I had no idea this form of cancer even existed.

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Here’s a link to the original KOMO/Seattle news story. If you need/want the code to embed the video in your blog, drop me a comment.

Comments are closed.

 
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Allison
Los Alamos, NM
After a childhood of immersion in my family's religious tradition, I hit college and my first true experience with the question, "why?" Why did I believe as I did? If I thought about it, I had no idea. So, I spent the next ten years not thinking about it.

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Once I hit 30, I began asking myself that question all over again. A few years later, I woke one day to realize that I simply didn't believe. For many reasons, I am a much happier (and more emotionally healthy) person having let go of god. There are still days that I wish god did exist. It would be a relief to relinquish responsibility to a greater power.

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But, even better, I can see life for what it is, and work with reality. That's more powerful than any god could hope to be.