it is what it is

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Meandering to the cliff’s edge and back

June14

One of today’s quote’s from iGoogle:

Happiness is always a by-product. It is probably a matter of temperament, and for anything I know it may be glandular. But it is not something that can be demanded from life, and if you are not happy you had better stop worrying about it and see what treasures you can pluck from your own brand of unhappiness.
– Robertson Davies

Treasures from unhappiness. It makes an odd sort of sense to me, especially considering how my last several weeks have gone. On the 26th of May, I began to show symptoms of anxiety and/or postpartum depression (PPD). On the 27th, I had such a difficult time concentrating, that I decided to push off the grad program from my planned June 2 start date. I mean, if I couldn’t concentrate enough to write my entrance essay, how the &^%$ did I think I’d do grad work? On the 30th, I had a full-blown panic/anxiety attack, complete with fears I’d end up rocking in a corner somewhere in an institution.

Thankfully, I have a good friend who stepped in to my cry of “HELP!” and talked me back into reality, made me promise to go see a doctor about meds for PPD, and generally helped me step away from the cliff’s edge. After we got off the phone, I was simply exhausted — but at least back into my own skin.

Within half an hour, she called back with a command. “Google ‘IUD Depression’.”

to be continued…

posted under help yourself, it is what it is, psychobabblings
3 Comments to

“Meandering to the cliff’s edge and back”

  1. Avatar June 14th, 2008 at 2:49 pm Kate Says:

    Yikes! Makes me glad I opted not to go with an IUD after all! I am so glad that you are still writing, starting school, etc. and not rocking in a corner of an institution;)
  2. Avatar June 17th, 2008 at 6:26 am Mike Says:

    Alli: Two of my clients in the last year have had PPD postpartum and I suspected it was the kind of IUD they were using. Your OB/Gyn should be able to switch you to a different kind. But in the meantime use another method.
  3. Avatar June 17th, 2008 at 6:42 am Allison Says:

    I had it removed post-haste. Fortunately, I already had an appointment to see my NP for a follow-up on Monday, June 2. Instead of having her check it, I told her, “GET. IT. OUT.”

    Really, I’m just relieved I didn’t have it any longer than I did. In the meantime, we’ll find other methods, because I simply don’t want to go through a second IUD insertion! Maybe sometime, but not yet.

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Allison
Los Alamos, NM
After a childhood of immersion in my family's religious tradition, I hit college and my first true experience with the question, "why?" Why did I believe as I did? If I thought about it, I had no idea. So, I spent the next ten years not thinking about it.

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Once I hit 30, I began asking myself that question all over again. A few years later, I woke one day to realize that I simply didn't believe. For many reasons, I am a much happier (and more emotionally healthy) person having let go of god. There are still days that I wish god did exist. It would be a relief to relinquish responsibility to a greater power.

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But, even better, I can see life for what it is, and work with reality. That's more powerful than any god could hope to be.