I remembered that Effexor does wonky things to my appetite. Last time I took Effexor, I dropped 7-1/2 pounds during the two weeks I was on a sample package (142 to 134.5). So, my starting to feel ambivalent about food (I want to physically eat — comfort — but the idea of food sounds icky) is not a surprise.
I had forgotten, however, that effexor makes me yawm. Don’t get me wrong; it does *not* make me tired. But I yawn. Constantly. I just keep needing more air.
This morning, I saw my physician assistant and got the ball rolling on the medical side of the what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-me puzzle. He walked into the room, glanced at the chart, looked at me, and commented, “you’ve picked up some weight, eh?” That’s all it took for the tears to start. I hate crying when I’m trying to communicate. Hate. It.
Anyway, he agreed that I’m sounding symptomatic of thyroid disorder, and that a blood panel was in order. He also gave me 4 weeks’ worth of Effexor samples — I expect to stay on the lowest dosage as much as possible (that’s where I was even before Maya), but to make it four weeks until the re-check, I’ll likely have to step up from 37.5mg to 75mg. We reviewed my previous thyroid results from December 2001, and I was in the normal range (low end, but not extreme) for TSH, low-normal for T4. With 4-1/2 years having passed and a baby in the interim, it’ll be interesting to see how it looks this time around.
As much as it would suck to take synthroid for the rest of my days, it would be a relief to have some explanation for why my weight keeps steadily climbing, even while I workout 4-5 days per week (at least) and do challenging, 3+ hour hikes. My diet isn’t perfect by any stretch — especially not this week, as I’ve willfully self-medicated — but it’s normally quite healthful. Doing “all the right things” to see no results has been exasperating. A nice bonus would be to stay awake at 3pm without the help of coffee.
Weight…granted, this is post-breakfast and coffee and fully dressed…but the doctor’s scale showed me a full ten (TEN!) pounds higher than the last time I weighed at home. TEN!
On an unrelated note, I think looking like a Barbie doll might be a prerequisite for the job of pharmaceutical rep. One gal arrived at the same time I did. She was about ten feet tall, skinny (I’m talking super-model skinny), and blonde. As we waited, another gal emerged with the same stats, just different clothing. Now I understand why I had no chance at the pharma jobs I applied for as a newbie business school grad. I’m short and brunette!
I’ve jumped off the bandwagon after one week, four days of ingesting flavorless calories. Why, you might ask? (Or maybe you don’t.) If the SLD tricks were working to lower your appetite — and even change your cravings to more healthful food — why stop?
Mental health, baby.
As I posted before, taking oil had some severe effects on my mood — effects that reminded me of how I physically felt during full-blown depression. While the sugar water didn’t have an adverse effect at first, it started to after about the first week. Given the choice between glorious thinness (uh, yeah) and mental stability, I’ll choose stability every time. Add to that, I not only didn’t lose weight; I gained a pound or so, plus I feel “squishier” (technical term, that).
For all of those folks who find SLD to work, more power to ya. For me, it’s not turning out to be an option.
I need to get back to studying for this Saturday’s GRE. More later, perhaps. Then again, maybe not.
Today marks the start of a new week of shangri-la-ing.
Weight: 149.8 (same as it has been for oh, five days) = BMI 26.5 (Goal: 125/22)
The past two nights, I’ve not taken the evening SW dose, simply because I’ve been busy. This didn’t have an effect on me (that I noticed) until last night, and even then, as I ate some nice, greasy Mexican food, I couldn’t bring myself to eat as much of it as usual. Not too shabby.
My craving for all things crunchy continues. The Thai curry vegetable soup I made yesterday featured a rainbow of colorful goodness…spinach (fresh, wilted by the broth’s heat), mushrooms, red cabbage, carrot, cucumber, cilantro…yum, it was tasty. I’ve got another quart of the broth left, so I plan to have another crunchy veggie soup meal tonight for dinner. (I’m not at a point where I’m prepared to worry about “ditto-foods” yet.)
I desperately need to work out a bit more often; being busy has made this tough, and this week, I’m planning to set aside a portion of my mornings for physical activity. Working from home has its perks; since mornings are typically unproductive anyway (watching the toddler), I don’t lose many billable hours by working out, and my daughter gets to ride along in the backpack (if we hike) or play with other kids (if we go to the Y). It’s all good.
Results-wise, I’m entering the “taking it on faith” portion of this diet. I KNOW a few things about my body:
As I’ve said before, I know that if I continue to eat this way (lots of fruits and veggies), I’ll start to shape up quickly. Patience, young grasshopper!
I know. Enough, already! You can expect my Shangri-la-dee-da posts to get progressively shorter, and I expect to resume “real” blogging soon.
This morning, I woke up spacey. I can’t walk from one room to the next without forgetting why I’m there.
I’m also jittery (yet I’m still drinking my morning coffee…gee, that’s smart) and grouchy. I’ve already crated the monster-beast dog Katie three times for her (normal) growly, food-protecting behavior. She’s setting me on edge, and I’m already working with a hair-trigger temper this morning. This is completely unacceptable.
Today, I will do sugar only, to see what — if any — immediate effect that has on my mood. I’m also starting to think about discontinuing coffee, but that’s a harder (and more emotional) call to make. There’s something about the ritual for me of pouring a few ounces of milk into a pint glass, then filling it with coffee…it’s my morning comfort.
This morning’s weight: 149.8 (26.5)
We’re heading out soon for a hike; it’s gloriously sunny and warm this morning, and we’ve started to settle into a typical Colorado spring pattern, complete with afternoon showers/storms. If I want to hike, now’s the time…besides that, I don’t have the mental focus available to work this morning at all. As I said, unacceptable.
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The hike worked wonders — I felt human afterward. On the drive out of the park, I drank my pre-prepared sugar water, and the good feelings continued.
8am-10:30am coffee
11:15am: last food, hike
1:00pm: 3T sugar in 20oz water
2:15pm: lunch — again, wanted a much healthier selection than usual. I was also parked right in front of ColdStone, and I didn’t care. Ice cream is probably my BIGGEST temptation, and ColdStone (mmm…sweet cream with raspberries!) is the biggest temptation of all. I didn’t care. Oh, and I ordered tofu in my lunch. Tofu? What?
6:30pm: dinner, pretty light
9:00pm: 3T sugar in 20oz water
The mood change over the course of the day has been dramatic. I credit at least part of it (if not most) to the hike, compounded by good food choices. I do (vaguely, anyway) remember that about eating right “for my type” in years past. Once I got accustomed to eating well, food was like a drug (in a good sense).
The best way I can describe my reactions to oil and sugar is to compare them to depressed/anxiety-ridden me (oil) versus newly medicated me (sugar). Before Effexor, I was generally irritable all the time and physically felt tight — not sure what else to call it — in my head. Once I started the antidepressant, the tightness was gone (what a relief!), and I felt like a very good version of normal. You know, my appetite change was similar then, and I lost about 7-1/2 pounds during my first two weeks on meds. With the symptoms seeming so similar, I wonder what effect the sugar water has on brain chemistry?
That leads to the other observation for me today: Instead of eating, I’m feeding myself. This is much more active, and it’s more nurturing instead of frenzied.
We’ll see tomorrow if the improved mood from skipping oil in favor of sugar water continues.
Today’s weigh-in: 149.8 (BMI 26.5)
(Told you little flucutations just happen for me, so yesterday’s didn’t mean anything!)
I added one final sugar water (2T, dissovled in 12oz water — at least I think that’s the size of my mug!), late last night, and again, experienced very strong positive feelings of physical/mental wellness. This morning, I’m ready for breakfast, but I’m unsure whether that’s by rote/habit or because I’m truly hungry.
8-ish: Breakfast
10am: Last coffee
11:30am: 2T sucrose in 20oz water (sipped, not chugged — finally).
2:00pm: Lunch
3:45pm: Finished coffee after lunch
5pm: 2T sucrose in 20oz water.
6:30pm: Dinner
9:00pm: 1.5T canola
The canola is NOT bothering my stomach this time. While I don’t feel the euphoria like from the sugar water (which is also lessened today, btw), I don’t feel bad either, and I have no evening munchies at all. None. Late evening/night is a red-alert time for me usually, so this is really encouraging.
My food choices continue to be much more healthful, in part because I’m not fighting (unhealthy) cravings in order to make good decisions. On top of that, I’m actively craving “good” food, especially fruits and vegetables. On the way to dinner tonight, I found myself looking forward to the crunch celery in my Pad Thai Puck (PT w/ bunches of veggies). Celery? Whaaaa? Dude…I like celery fine, but looking forward to it? It baffles.
One poster on the SLD boards suggested that more healthy cravings are part of the body’s (being tricked into) believing that a famine cycle is beginning. If you’re not going to have much to eat, you’d better be darned sure that the calories you *do* consume are packed with nutrients.
Now that I think about it, I ate absolutely no meat today. Some egg, yes…but no meat. This wasn’t intentional, but frankly, it’s good. I know enough about how my body processes food to know that I’d do well as a vegetarian. No plans to become veggie just yet, but I do like the idea of eating with meat as a condiment rather than a main course. Overall, I’m very hopeful that this will be a simple and inexpensive way to get myself back into the eating habits I know work well for me.
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Once I hit 30, I began asking myself that question all over again. A few years later, I woke one day to realize that I simply didn't believe. For many reasons, I am a much happier (and more emotionally healthy) person having let go of god. There are still days that I wish god did exist. It would be a relief to relinquish responsibility to a greater power.
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But, even better, I can see life for what it is, and work with reality. That's more powerful than any god could hope to be.
