I downloaded the sample portion of that book, and yeah — I think it’s one I’ll need to read. I’m kind of at my “number of books I can juggle at once” limit for the moment, so it’s just going to sit in my queue for a bit.

In some ways, I think Gavin is more likely the type of intense this book describes, and I’ve often said that all of the things that I *know* will make him successful in life are exactly what make him a total pill at times right now! With Maya, it’s a bit more of her need to be loved by all. Until this year, she’s just had that, no question about it; this year, she’s suddenly no longer the de-facto “it” girl.

This is a book about temperament, and one of the traits discussed at length is *intensity*. It is a parenting book, but I also learned so much about myself by reading it. I look back at my own childhood now and understand why things happened the way they did, and why I reacted the way I did.

What’s wonderful about the book, is that it points out that temperamental traits that make children “difficult” are often the same traits that enable kids to grow up to be vibrant and successful. It gives you a way to look at your own intensity in a positive light, and has *practical suggestions* for how to live with intensity, both in yourself and in your daughter.

Intensity. I have it. My kids have it. It makes for some highly dramatic blow-ups sometimes, but it can be a beautiful thing. To feel things deeply allows you a deeper level of understanding, allows you to have empathy for other, allows you to see things that others don’t. It can be a good thing, if you understand it and learn how to control it. You may find that you have other “spirited” traits as well. In fact, I’m sure of it!

I should now add “eating gluten-free” to the list; I did a trial (after 2 years of eating *mostly* GF that was supposed to last 3 months — so I could do a Celiac biopsy. I only made it 4 days. Blech! Feeling much better today.

I would say that who you were in those days was entirely appropriate for someone in her 20′s. Maybe you did some embarrassing things for silly reasons and tried to impress some unimpressive people.

But what was attractive about you then is still true today. You’re still fun and willing to let people into your life (risk of rejection be damned). And you still dance when Bob Marley’s *Legend* is playing.

We are long overdue an IM or phone call! Love,

If you haven’t read it – check out Why Beautiful People Have More Daughters by Alan S. Miller and Satoshi Kanazawa. They are evolutionary psychologists who explain the some of the science behind the choices we make. And it’s funny enough to be a fun summer read (or maybe I’m just a geek! hehe).